This post may contain vulgarities

SHYT!

I'm freaking emo-ing..


I feel like crying.. and yet at the same time screaming ... I feel sad, I feel hurt.. I feel disgraceful..

I regretted what I've done in the past.. Lying to my parents.. making them lose trust on me once..
Although now they trust me , but they don't fully trust me like before.
I hate it .. I seriously hate it..

Stomach churning.. tying into dead knots..
Why must I see something that I've longed not to see?
Why must I think of him?
Why must I think of the memories we shared?
Why can't I forget?
Why can't she trust me this time?
Why are these tears rolling down my cheeks?
Why do I feel like I'm someone pathetic?
Why do I feel like I'm useless?
Why do I feel lower than the dumpsters?
Why can't my mind block him out like it use too??

Why?
Why?

all I wanna do , is to reverse time, spent time with you all once more, and undo my mistake

Everyone's a sinner, I'm no different. Is the matter of, do you realise your mistakes or not.


Questions asked,
Answers left untold.

This shall be mine... and mine only...


-Lenna-

Maple Crazy!

I've just started playing back Maple.. and now getting addicted to it, AGAIN!

ahhh...maple crazy..

Todae slept around 5.30 woke up at 2.30pm

Just like old times lowh.. sigh..


>_<

Since cannot go out, WHAT TO DO?!?!?!??

-Bored and maple addict, Me =) -

I'm tagged

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
-Piggie

-Mei

-Lenn

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
-My Hair

-My fingers =)

-My eyes =p
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF

-My Lips.. Mummy say very pale.. like ghost.

-Skin.. pimpplless

-Skin , very fast dry..
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE

-Jet Black hair?

-hakka(daddy's side)

-Big boobs!! LOL!!! jkjk,

-Baba and Nyonya (mummy's side =) ) (sort off =p )

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T STAND
-People trying to get sympathy.

-Not knowing what is happening.

-Fighting .

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU

-Being alone.

-Going for the ABRSM exam

-Nightmares.and some scary movies

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SHOWS

-One Tree Hill

-Guess Guess Guess =p

-Dunno

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE JAPANESE ANIMES/CARTOONS
-Ayashi no Ceres
-Black Cat
-Pokemon xD
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE NON-ENGLISH SHOWS
-Devil Beside You
-Stairway to heaven

-It started with a kiss =p
THREE OF YOUR CURRENT FAVOURITE SONGS
-Tank-Fei Ni Mo Shu

-Cascada-Everytime we touch

-Hei Se Hui Mei mei-Mu tou Ren
THREE MOVIES YOU CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER

-Cheetah Girls. I think =p

-Raise your voice

-Any dance movie? like step up, honey..
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
-Bed

-Food

-Water

-haha=p

THREE THINGS YOU'RE WEARING RIGHT NOW
-Blue tee

-Blue shorts

-Not blue undergarments

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
-Lots and lots and lots of Love

-Trust

-Care ,Share
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE GENDER THAT APPEALS TO YOU
-Height

-Hair

-Nice smile =)
THREE BAD HABITS
-Eat very slowly. . =p (especially when watching tv xD)

-Lazy....

-Can go game crazy
THREE THINGS YOU WANNA DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
-Go out

-Watch a nice show

-PLay the piano really well =)
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING OR CURRENTLY PURSUING
--Designing

-I don't know! ><
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
-Japan

-Korea

-Hong Kong

-US =p
THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE
-Haven Tot of it yet..

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
-Learn Dancing =) (BADLY!)

-Meet lots and lots of people =)

-Overcome as much obstacles as I can
THREE THINGS THAT YOU'RE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL
-I wear mini-skirts .. haha..

-I only own one or two pair of jeans =p (gotta get summore!)

-My hair is Long? haha

-I extreemely LURVE soft toys.. but none of them will give me any soft toys for my burday.. ish.. call yourself a friend.. T___T I wan soft toys!!
INTIALS OF THREE CRUSHES

-Currently no crushes..haha.

-Initially from a-z ( =p )
THREE PEOPLE YOU TAG TO DO THIS SURVEY

-I'm a good person, I don't tag =p

Title-less

hahaha... unsure of what to put..

so anyways.. I know I haven been updating for a week.. =p

Lazy.. and my bluetooth aint working.. so yeah.. frustrated...


Next, I'm going to LANGKAWI! whee.. a week and FREE! well, it's actually from the Ministry of Education.. we are suppose to undergo a training or something..

so 4 chinese 2 Malays and 2 Indians.. actually I'm quite astonished that this time they had more chinese .. Cuz it was always Malays more.. hehe..

So me, Elena, Tinisha and Levina are going... wheeee....


Teh form.. hahah.. too syok sendiri dy.. xD


see there! Pulau Langkawi! hahaha..


Then I think a few nights ago.. Went to Pasar malam also know as Night market.. ehehhe.. got myself a new bag.. =p I sortta like that bag.. and for those who are reading thinks like *yer.. why wanna buy brandless, cheapskate*

well FYI! I don't care if it's brandless or branded, the most important thing is wether I like it and if it's comfortable.. you think I got no branded shirt is it? I also got wert.. is just that I prefer which and which.. HURMPH


Wahahha.. my bag =))

there end of post.. haha


Questions asked...
Answers left untold...

This shall be mine.. and mine only..

-Lenna-

Sleepless Night

Jeng Jeng Jeng

Ladies and Gintelman.. haha..

Lenna Lai's sleepless night have seem to find it's way back to mee.... gosh.. even taking a nap is a problem..

Waking up every half an hour during naps..and during sleeping I guess every 1-2 hours?? or not sleeping at all.. oh gosh.. pimples , dark circles.. zombie face.. oh yeah.. and hell lots of stress..

all these problem does not a happy Lenna make.. sobx..

I knwo you guys must think that I'm nuts cause.. exam is just over... but the thing is..


1. I have to resume back my piano class and I HAVEN repeat HAVEN practise a single THING

2. My exam grades are like @_@ oh gosh.. you don't wanna knoe.

3. In need of tuition.. gosh.. serious.. I NEED TUITION!

4. Forcing myself to sort off study.. but can't.. I'm so not the person who studies.. I mean like do revision la.. but have to try.. if not.. uh oh.. no going out.. yiikkeess!!! Nuuuuu

5. Since daddy was back.. can't stop fighting with him.. yeap.. that makes me a bad gal.. but we don't seem to agree on much things.. ahhh!!

6. I'm getting addicted to fictionpress once again!! >_<

7. Friendship problems.. aikkkesss... Rachel me missy you so muchie!! hahah..

8. hmm... Love is last.. can you blieve it?!?!? haha.. anyways.. yeah.. for the time being.. love now is the last thing in my mind.. well sortta.. Both of us.. just didn't wanna attend to the problem.. avoiding each other.. well it's actually he's avoiding me.. so .. problems left unsolved.. it's hanging in the air.. sigh..


First sleepless night.. then nightmares.. then so on...

I know all the above might seem crap to you.. and when I'm writing and re-reading it.. I felt it was sortta crap also.. but that's what I'm going thru.. and it's a lame excuse for sleepless night.. heh.. sigh

MAJOOOOOOOORRR HEADACCHHEEEEE!!

summoonnnnne help mee pls?? solve my problem and I could do ANYTHING for you... hahaha..

Questions asked..
Answers left untold..


This shall be mine .. and mine only..


Sigh..

-Lenna-

Friends

What are friends??? can eat?? lolx

but what matters most.. what is BEST FRIENDS???

they are the one's who are always there for you anytime , anywhere .

You can fret , complain, hit ( well they will hit you back later.. don't worry.. =D ), have a shoulder to lean on.. laugh with.. go thru hard times with.. and many more..

they are like your sister/brother and best friends..

I'm am actually grateful to have 6 and yes it is 6 best friends..

but now.. our friendship is on a thin line..

we've been thru good times and bad times together last year... that is what made our bond so strong...

but now.. things are changing.. well you can say that people change.. even I change.. I didn't even realise I changed.. and my friend told me something very meaningful

"Everyone changed.. and you may think that they changed for the bad.. but actually both.. it's up to you and time to see what has he/she changed for the good."

and I actually took the time to go and observe my best friends.. and really they changed for the bad and good..

aijor. . this post is making no sense at all.. seriously no SENSE..

oh gosh..

Daddy's coming home!

Daddy's HOME!

after 2 to 3 months.. ahh...

Don't know sud be happie or not happie.. haha..

I miss him.. but not as much as last time.. yeah.. I'm like a bad daughter right?? IT's just that.. I feel like I'm used to it already.. sighs..

whatever..
YAY!! EXAM FINISH.. Two anime waiting for me to watch jeng jeng jeng jeng.. haha..
gtg! Sweep sweep mop mop... huhu... T___T

shall update whenever =p

Pictures!

Well.. I very lazy to blog le.. and can't blog much... I'm afraid.. since daddy's back.. now 3 person will be using this comp.. sigh.. >_< cannot let daddy see things he shouldn't see.. that includes this blog.. uh oh... sigh whatever.. sud be happie that he's back.. by the way.. lazy to blog.. already blogged at www.signifiedseven.blogspot.com
take a look.. =)

For now.. enjoy the photos.. kakaka

0n mother's day...

Lalala.. cam-whoring.. x)

see chicken can fly!



My bro promoting spritzer bottle... but terbalik.. haha..!

first panaroma.. or is it panorama..?? haha..

My uncle and aunt


Grandpa and Grandma.. =) lurve them to biitss.. x)

Icceee --creaamm....

Finish dy... xD

Mummy, uncle, aunty, grandma, bro , grandpa



Baby cousin brother.. cute??


Yesh, He's cute alright..

Reference books I bought.. still got summore to buy... oh gosh.. ><

Jeng Jen Jeng.. Current phone.. current state.. =)

Enjoy.. =p

Happy Mother's Day

Well, Today is mummy's day....

Wanna wish all the moms Happy Mothers Day..

well just the other day.. My mum was hearing the radio .. and there was one special programme where people are wishing their mum's happie mothers day and saying I love you.

then she told me.

Mum: Sigh.. Only on mother's day they wish and they say the love us..
Me : *says nothing*
Mummy : Isn't it better if they treat us better each day??
Me : yeah.. >_< Me: Mummy I love you.. Mummy: * laughs* I know.

Actually all the mums out there want us to pay attention to them everyday.. not only on mother's day itself you know..



Who is the one who stay up late when you're sick? Who is the one who "carried" you for 9 blady months.. Who is the one who gave birth to you? Who is the one who gave life to you? Who is the one who pampers you the most.. ( for me is my mum la.. well both la.. hehe lols.. ) Who is the one who cooks for you.. Who is the one who cares for you? Nurse you when you get hurt? Rush to the doctor to get medicine.


the answer is : MUMMY!



Why are we dedicating one specific day in an entire year to celebrate Mother's day? By doing this are we indirectly saying that we should be nice to our mum only once a year?



Why not everyday also treat your mum like it's mother's day.. it's like for the whole year you don't care for your mum and for this one day you treat her so good.. issh.. you think you're a good child? I don't think so lowh.. sigh... so anyways.. treat your mums better.. I admit I need to treat my mummy better too okay so anyways..



I wanna wish me mummy and my grandma Happie mother's day.. todae we're going for vegetarian's dinner.. cauze one of my uncle is vegetarian.. hmm okayy.. anyways.. Mummy I love you! you're the greatest mum! although we fight .. I'll always love you..



and I was extremely touched by my grandma ytd cuz... yesterday I went to my grandparents house .. located at the back of my house ny. . hhaha.. and then my mum gave her a present.. a small one.. cause she treat my grandma dinner ma... hehe... her present was a crystal ball.. then my grandma says very nice.. can put bside my present that I gave her last year or last last year.. and I don't remember at all.. and yet she could remember.. so touch lowh.. ><

haha.. okay gotta ciao la..

mummy wanna use the comp.. shall post another post later.. =p

An extra post..

oh yeah.. just wanna add a little bit more...


I'm having my exams now.. altho I'm online but I'm actually sort off studying or doing something else.. and I'm sorry if I hadn't replied your messages or smses...

and I'm sorry that I hadn't time to talk to you guys..

I'm sorry Darren! Didn't mean to cut our conversation to half half.. aihx.. sorry can't talk bout the problems.. don't let the probs bother you kay?? concentrate on exam first..

remember.. you'll always be yourself no matter what..

What I wanted to said yesterday was.. People change Darren.. but it's like when we see it.. She changed for the worst.. but come to think of it the other way.. all her bad changes has cover up her good changes..

now I guess, she's starting to learn how to be independent...... and starting to make her own decision .. So give yourself some time to see her changes.. don't think that everything would be the same forever.. that's what I thought that time.. and I really hope that everything can stay that way forever.. do you feel that too??

heh..

okay.. seriously gotta sleep.. MAJOR HEADACHE!!

and once again.. sorry darren! shall talk about it soon!! in the mean time.. I hope this cud help you..

A Post dedicated too.. lolx!

Erm.. okay ..


Todae is the 12th of May...

First of all I would like to dedicate this post to .. KAH WEI!!

haha.. HAPPIE BIRTHDAY!!

HAPPIE 16th BIRTHDAY!!

SWEET 16 LE WEI!! Wo0ts.. haha..

erm okay.. and I'm sorry that I didn't wish you at 12 sharp.. cauze.. I scared kena scolding from you AGAIN.. lolx.. I think last year of last last year I purposely stay up till midnight to wish you.. then I thin you send back the sms or at school.. you said " WOI! people wanna sleep la! Wish what wish.. cannot wish earlier or wish at school wan meh?? " hahah

It was sort off similar to that la.. oh yeah... and always during her bday .. sure got exam wan.. so she use the exam thing to blame me also.. haha.. =p

See me don't wish you at 12 sharp.. then at school.. Wish you jor.. you say why cannot send sms meh.. I'm like T___T don't send kena send kena.. lolx.. what you wan a me to do le.. =p then only you told me.. you will off your phone.. I jadi BENGANG kay..

anyways.. exam todae.. was.. erm.. sort off.. sucky for me.. I couldn't remember much though.. Sigh.. okay... after school todae.. mummie , my bro and I head to petaling street which is a.k.a Chee Chiong Kai.. went there cause.. wanted to buy reference book marh.. my area there chem sold out.. ISH!! hmm.. when I laid foot there... I suddenly realised that it's been a long time since I came here again.. I think since Jan when I came with Maiya.. to find the blardi EST text book.. but in the end don't have.. so yeah lah.. that's about my trip to there..

hmm.. after eating.. head to popular.. then erm.. look for the book.. the ref book.. I was actually looking for the Focussuper book.. if you all bought ref book then you would know what am I talking about.. If you haven.. Go figure out yourself.. =D so there also don't have.. sigh.. so then I saw one group of Malay girls.. saying which book is good and stuff liddet.. then later, few groups of chinese guys came and like look for ref books.. Duh.. if not... wanna know me arh.. = = haha.. so .. I sort off eavesdrop... SORT off.. and hey! they speak so loudly.. >< haha.. so they talk and discuss which books to buy... they are not nerd lowh though.. haha.. quite ok looking.. LOLX syok sendiri ady.. okay.. so after they took the books and ciao.. .

I also start doing a little experiment or investigation.. I opened up several ref books. and compare.. some of them were actually true.. some of the other ref books are better than the focussuper books..

okay lemme tell you a little bout the ref books..

first off..
Success ref book- very in detail.. can make you understand well..
Focussuper ref book- erm.. they explain in an advance way.. but can understand also..
Total Pro ref book-explain quite in detail.. but abit chiong hey in some chap.. haha..
the others don't need to look dy.. not so good.. the names also I forgot..
they are either
a. DEAD BORING
b. DEAD CONFUSING
c. IRRITATING!

haha.. so if me.. I actually recommend these 3 books.. but to be exact.. I didn't actually see all the ref books okay.. so don't come find me !! ><
I did compare but not all.. there was one book.... I forgot =p

Recommendation!! LOLX =S
Physic- I prefer Focussuper(Sucess for this book dam chiong hey.. =p )
Add maths- Also Focussuper and Sucess
Maths- Success& Focussuper also not bad.. cause I weak in maths ma.. haha
Biology- Focussuper so so.. Total Pro betta..but buy focussuper dy.. aijah..
Sejarah-Opps.. I might have missed it.. haha..
Chem- no other references book tho.. so I bought Total Pro.. but not bad la..

yeah la.. only look for those books only... the list on top are the books that I actually bought.. A lot way.. you see why add maths and maths double book?? mummy say horh " First you need to learn in detail detail then go for advanced.. but if you can go advance.. then you sure know how to do the Success book , just take it as an extra exercise lowh! " me " ... okay.. buy buy lowh... "

okay.. gotta ciaoz..

I shall write more tomorrow.. or mayb not see first.. exam still haven finish!! ><

daddy coming back... woohoo..!! HOLIDAY!! EXAM MARKS T__T die die!

gotta sleep dy.. I can't stand..

good nite..
Is this post long enough to cover up the whole week?? ahha

4th 0f May..

Okay.. so it was a friday...


hmm..

It's been sooo long since I touched the field once more.. so I had pj for the first period.. and I LUV It.. well I love sports.. so .. haha.. erm.. after so long.. now we had pj.. so we were like erm.. learning the basic for volleyball.. hehe... it's good to learn the basic again.. =p anyways... it's good to do sports again! especiallly games..

blah blah blah.. :P

after learning the basic.. we spilt to two groups.. practising ourselves.. now I was having a great time.. but one thing I didn't like was.. when we hit the ball, I expect to keep going.. not someone go and catch the ball.. now that ruins the fun.. I didn't like it.. when my classmates were like.. ah!! the ball is coming.. catch it.. instead of hitting it instead.. and I didn't like it when they just stood there.. as if la the ball will come to you!

Fuh.. sorry.. didn't mean it.. but I didn't like it la..

so after pj.. add maths.. @_@... faint.. it was going on okay.. that suddenly.. she go one question which got ALL of us confused.. then she was laughing when going out of class.. asking us to figure out by ourselves.. lolx.. okay..

so.. the day went well.. after school .. it's friday..so we have coco activities..
taekwondo! HaIyah! lolx.. we was sort off lingering our way there.. didn't wanna be there so early.. =p.. then.. we went dere.. and do some kicking.. punching.. haha.. very long didn't do .. cuz.. miss taekwondo.. (on purpose and not on purpose) quite a number of times.. =/

so when Sir was teaching.. he keep teasing me ... say that I sud go lower.. he say once he talk.. then I go up.. I was like !____! .. lolx.. haha.. that Sir.. very talkative lowh.. and when we punch.. he talk talk talk.. we can't put down our hands you know.. need to maintain our stunt, moves... he says to discipline and sort off build err.. stamina.. muscle??

haha... yeah.. so after taekwondo.. went back home.. quickly ate and bath.. and head to Leisure mall.. for SPIDERMAN 3.. at 5.00pm.. mummy kept rushing me and scolding me for being such a slow poke.. haha.. but we made it in time to get our tickets.. and we got good seats too.. thx to me.. =P xD

okay.. so after watching.. SM3 wasn't that good also.. aijor.. wasted 30bucks to watch sigh.. 2hours and 20 mins.. the story quite long la.. some parts was even boring.. but there was one or two touching part.. overall I give it a 4.5/10..

so it was a friday as I said from the above.. Taman Segar had pasar malam that day.. so mummy thought we had a short trip there before heading home.. haha.. erm.. bought.. 10 bucks purse..haha. .mummy say she doesn't wanna buy me to expensive purse dy.. cause I keep losiing it >< sighs.. bought a very simple yet nice earring.. and err.. food, two very comfy shorts.. haha..

yeah some of you must be thinking.. buy pasar malam (night market) cloths?? no class at all.. but hey.. you think you buy branded stuff got class is it?? very high class?? as long as it's comfortable then I don't really matter bout brand lo.. FYI.. issh.. I do have few branded shirts also.. but so what.. it depends on yourself.. if you wish to wear branded or not..for me.. I don't mind.. seriously.. as long as it's comfy, nice.. and stylish .. can dy.. no need branded stuff.. sighs..

and oh yay!

I've finally found the BIO reference book! .. x)

-Things I want, or looking.. -
Chem.. *still looking..gonna fail for exam la.. ><*
K750i* no hope.. *
Mp4 * Still dreaming... *
Stuff piggies * Also dreaming.. buy for me pretty pls.. for my bday.. ><*
Holiday.. * can't wait can't wait... just wait till may holiday come oh yeah.. and daddy coming back.. whee*
SOUND CD!* still bugging my bro*
LOTs more.. shall put a column for it.. haha..

gtg bath.. ><

Sadness. lolx.

Regrets:

I regret going out alone
I regret mummy giving me money for today
I regret asking you out
I regret not saying the things I wanted to say
I regret not stopping you from going.
I regret for being silent all day
I regret wasting money on the stupid food
I regret not eating lunch
I regret wasting mummie's time
I regret asking her to fetch me..
I regret not having a good time.
I regret not scolding the idiots who hit on me in Mid valley.
I regret for being such an idiot myself.


Hates:
I hate being alone.
I have being lonely
I hate having no friends
I hate lecturing from my teachers.
I hate getting scolded.
I hate myself for being so quiet
I hate myself for being lazy
I hate myself for not being honest.
I hate myself for being so eazy!
I hate alot of things bout me .


Afraid:
Alone
Lonely
Having Nightmares.
Crossing the bridge..
Losing people I love.(My family , frens, you.. )
People not understanding me.
Unable to talk bout some things..
People leaving me.

Unable to state more.. sort off blank?? haha.. too much to write..updates whenever

So.. went out todae.. supposingly with F.S. then he came late.. making me walk around mid valley.. not having lunch.. cause everywhere I cud think off if full with people...

Todae was the first time.. I went out alone... and it wasn't sort of pleasant...

Stupid malay(I;m not a racist == ) and some chinese guys came hitting on me.. argh.. ignored them nyway la.. deep inside.. I feel scared kay.. summore alone.. malay didnt follow la.. just whistle then try to talk to me.. chinese fella.. more like idiots lala.. hair colour also got different types.. i think if you combine all together.. can make rainbow.. lolx.. so anyways.. they sort off followed me abit la... deeep iinnnsiidee I was FREAKIng out okay.. I'm not a brave person okay? then I sort off hid in
MPH lo.. after that they didn't follow.. phew much?

then sat down and read a little...then he came at 3.00pm I came at 2.20++!! ... so.. walk around to the 3rd floor and came back down.. and finally settle down in Coffee bean = =... then he told me that he could only be here for an hour..4.00 he had to ciaox.. I was like.. !_! I'm alone todae you know.. If you gonna be here for an hour.. better don't come out right.. sigh.. so me speechless sort off the whole day..

sighs.. don't wanna talk bout it la..

I wanted to say lots of things to you.. but somehow.. I was speechless..

so he went back at 4 i went back at 6..

Go figure yourself what I did during that period..